One thing I enjoy about birthdays is the opportunity to connect. Most of them will be small talk. But for those willing to engage in a conversation, I am always up for it.

I reacted and replied to every message I received, no matter how personal or transactional it was. It would still constitute effort. I want to repay that. And I don’t want to define their intentions (because it’s both impossible and impractical). I want to be guided by gratitude.

One message stood out. I have a friend who wished me well. She did caveat that she hopes I was doing as well as how I have curated the narrative on my social media feed.

I don’t want to read much into it. But as the overthinker that I am, I did.

I initially got defensive. I felt like I had shared a balanced view of my ups and downs as I travel in this journey we call life. I want to be seen. No one posts their failures. It’s taboo.

“Why can’t he/she/they keep a meltdown in private?” That’s what I would’ve said years back. But now I wonder why it should bother anyone. You do you. And we all have our reasons for using social media and all of them are valid (except if you’re infringing on someone else’s dignity or spreading fake news 😉)

I rationalised my reflections and posts as learnings from my downfall. Or maybe there was some truth to the comment and I should take the feedback.

But here’s the update in case my current struggles aren’t clear:

1. I’m still getting over a heartbreak and I sincerely don’t know when or if it will end.
2. I’ve reached a point in my career where I don’t know if I’ll progress and what is next.
3. I’ve recently gone down my path of unhealthy habits again – drinking, less exercise, and too many paralysing thoughts.

Overall, I’d still rate my life an 8 out of 10. But yes, there are bad days.

All of us can take a good day. So there’s not much thought to be put in and not a lot of action to be taken.

But I want to be deliberate in the way I traverse through the bad ones. Because if I can take the worst day, I can take any day.

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The trip to Oslo happened in June 2022.