Happy Independence Day to the Philippines! I am eternally grateful to all those who have come before me to liberate the country I call home.

Yes! That’s the home I often refer to as a “beautiful disaster”. But that comes from a place of love.

Growing up, I never really appreciated what the independence movement had to deal with. But I was more than willing to accept a day off from school (and even work).

I can blame the educational system or my upbringing for the disinterest. But if I take a good look in the mirror, now that I am in my 30s, the more acceptable answer stands before me.

My ancestors suffered at the hands of colonisers. Countless lives were lost. Civil liberties were taken away. Vast resources were stolen. Endless brainwashing took place. Not a lot of dignity went around.

For me, the most heartbreaking consequence of this conquest, that which perseveres until today, is a sense of inferiority. Parts of the system, the society, the media, collective and/or personal thoughts will reinforce colonial mentality. 

Not everyone suffers from it. But I do. And it’s a constant battle. It’s gotten better but I have to continue working on it. 

When I was young, there were many times I looked down on the Philippines. And the sentiment goes beyond being critical. There were days it bordered on shame. 

And somehow, I find myself on the opposite end of the spectrum – being unapologetically Filipino at the cost of almost being antagonistic. Sometimes a bit too much,  passively aggressively brushing off commentaries from foreigners whose forefathers were responsible for the intergenerational inequality we collectively experience. 

I have a lot of hangups! I need to work on them. 

Some would argue that Filipinos aren’t completely free. And they are right. But we are miles ahead of where we were more than 500 years ago when Magellan set foot in Mactan and altered our national destiny. 

I am a proud Filipino. Although that seems logical, only the passage of time got me there.